We must confront in truth, love, and grace because healing, restoration, and restitution are the goal.
by Steve Prokopchak
Having walked in ministry leadership for over fifty years, I can accurately say that if sin is present in the lives of leaders, it will surface sooner or later. There will eventually be some form of exposure, and a reckoning will follow.
When God’s leaders are covering up sin in their lives, His mercy maybe extended, but not for a lifetime. Out of His love, He will expose it. Someone well said, “Failure is not always sin, but sin is always failure.”
“The behavior of the self-life is obvious: sexual immorality, lustful thoughts, pornography, chasing after things instead of God, manipulating others, hatred of those who get in your way, senseless arguments, resentment when others are favored, temper tantrums, angry quarrels, only thinking of yourself, being in love with your own opinions, being envious of the blessings of others, murder, uncontrolled addictions, wild parties, and all other similar behavior. Haven’t I already warned you that those who use their ‘freedom’ for these things will not inherit the kingdom realm of God!” (Galatians 5:19-21, TPT).
Failure in leadership influences our personal decisions and then our actions. As leaders we are all imperfect in some ways, but that does not mean we are separated from God or are walking outside local church accountability.
There is a huge difference between one exposing his or her own sin versus that sin or failure being exposed by another. One is based on our own volition; this will decrease collateral damage. The other becomes a stain on the body of Christ and results in unknown levels of collateral damage.
The outcome of sin or moral failure in leadership is based on two important factors: what we as individuals do about our failure, in other words, how we respond, and then what those in leadership do about that failure.
I have heard it said, “You can stub your toe a hundred times, but you can only cut your throat once.” The way we, the church, your church, or DOVE International choose to handle leadership failure will either make or break that church or organization. With humility and confession, the church must respond with healing and steps of restoration. However, depending on the level of authority, restoration looks different. What are some of the quantifiers?
Quantifiers include:
- Qualitative assessment: How serious were the sinful acts and to what degree were people victimized by the actions?
- Quantitative assessment: How long was this sinful behavior practiced and how many victims were involved?
- Voluntary action: Did this person confess voluntarily or was he or she caught and forced to confess?
- Cooperative conduct: Did this person cooperate with investigators or was he or she uncooperative?
- Active coverup: Did they confess their sins during the time of their perpetrated acts, or did they seek to continuously cover them up?
- Repentant behavior: Was there sincere and open repentance from the heart or was the offender more concerned about preserving his or her own reputation or the reputation of the organization?
- Humble submission: Was there a willingness to submit to church discipline and adhere to the given requirements or was the offender unwilling to do so?
Lest we get ahead of ourselves and point fingers at others, we must ask how we would like personal failure to be handled in our own lives. How would we like to be treated? Would we desire grace or law? Would we desire to experience restoration or be left to fail completely? Would we want to receive forgiveness or suffer judgment?
Two factors seem to be at odds here. Do we want confrontation without partiality that leads to purification of the church, or do we want to protect an individual’s comfort and the reputation of a ministry?
We cannot compromise God’s Word to protect personal reputation, but at the same time we must confront in truth, love, and grace because healing, restoration, and restitution are the goal.
Key Scriptures Guide Us toward Our Purpose
Colossians 1:28: “He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.”
Galatians 4:19: “My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you…”
I Timothy 5:19-21: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.”
I Corinthians 4:1-5: “This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”
A Real-life Example
In giving oversight to churches, we will likely come across failure among leaders. On one occasion, an elder confessed to his wife of his extramarital affair with another woman, then confessed to his children, along with the elder team, confessed to God and then confessed to his church congregation. (I am not sure about the actual order of confessions, but I know they were all covered.)
From there we developed a plan for healing and restoration with full repentance and turning away from sin. We described the plan he would be required to submit to. Several congregants came to us and said, “Thank you for dealing with this forthrightly, righteously, lovingly and openly. It brings security to know that our leaders and our leaders’ leaders are confronting sin and desiring to bring restoration. In churches we have been members of in the past, sin was always covered over and the person or leader who sinned just left the church.”
Everywhere we look today, God is cleaning house: from IHOP to Hillsong, to the Southern Baptists, to the Catholics. He is also exposing politicians and CEO’s. This in and of itself should put the fear of God in each one of us.
Effects of So Much Exposed Sin
What can inadvertently happen when sin is exposed is that churchgoers, godly people, become disillusioned and disappointed or can even grow apathetic. They might say, “If our leaders can’t hold it together, how do I stand a chance?”
Jesus, not any leader, is the author and finisher of our faith, as stated in Hebrews 12:2. We must keep our eyes on Him. Jesus was disappointment by others. He watched the seventy-two walk away. I believe He processed those feelings and those thoughts with His Father. Our encouragement from this is that we must take our disappointments to God.
Hebrews 10:25 encourages us not to forsake meeting together. We do not stop meeting, even though we are a very imperfect church with imperfect leaders.
Two Additional Stories
Before new leaders become engaged with DOVE, I take them and their spouses through extensive questioning. I let them know we may all have “skeletons in our closet” so to speak, but these past sins must be dealt with biblically and appropriately so one comes to a place of healing. We always want to avoid a situation where the “skeletons” are exposed later and bring pain to the leader along with damage to those whom they lead.
Sin destroys our credibility and trust. If it is not self-exposed and brought into the light, it can also destroy relationships. When leaders walk in unrepentant and unconfessed sin, some of the following will accompany them and their leadership:
- the misuse of power and authority
- the misuse of Scripture
- the misuse of emotions to manipulate or control
- the mishandling of resources – finances in particular
As I confronted one leader with his sexual misconduct, he refused to confess in multiple meetings. Finally, he gave in when I told him the Lord had revealed to me that something was terribly awry. He refused to receive counsel to bring to light what was hidden in darkness. He turned his leadership team against me and DOVE behind my back. I was unable to give my perspective to his leaders and we lost that very valuable church in the Caribbean region. But more importantly, we lost the relationships we had developed over time.
The second leader I had to confront confessed, repented, apologized, stepped down from leadership responsibilities and entered a lengthy process of healing with the goal of being restored to ministry. Unfortunately, his confession resulted in a divorce, but I believe he himself has been spared of judgment by cooperating with the steps of healing and restoration.
It is a long road back to healing and restoration. When we fail, we often do not realize or stop to consider how many persons our sin will and does affect.
I Corinthians 9:27: “No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” We can actually disqualify ourselves from leadership.
II Corinthians 7:9-10: “Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
We long for healing for those who have fallen, but at the same time, we must remember the ones who are affected and harmed by their sin. If we do not attack the cancer in the body of Christ, in our local church, or in our DOVE family, it will spread. In many of the cases that are being exposed today, the leader’s sin, even if initially unknown, can trickle down into other leaders and affect even more innocent people.
Four Biblical Approaches to Restoration
- To disassociate. I Corinthians5:9-13: “I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked person from among you.”
- To reach an act of forgiveness. II Corinthians 2:5-11: “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
- To restore in a spirit of meekness. Galatians 6:1: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
- To make restitution: Luke 19:8-9 (ESV): “And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, ‘Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Today salvation has come to this house, since he is also a son of Abraham.’”
About You and Me
We are responsible to uphold the integrity of DOVE International, our local church, our family and marriage, but more so, we are responsible to represent Christ. When the Bible forbids something and calls it sin, it is forbidden. We are never to overlook something illegal, immoral, unscriptural or be part of a cover-up of the same. “Do not touch God’s anointed…” is not a verse that justifies covering up anything. We cannot neglect the guidelines related to discipline and restoration in Matthew 18. And we cannot reason with irrational people who defend their sin.
When is Public Confrontation Needed?
Many ask the question of whether confrontation of sin needs to take place publicly. For those who are not in a public leadership position, and they hear and receive correction while walking through the guidelines in Matthew 18, public confrontation is not needed. But for leadership individuals who are involved in chronic, ongoing sin and who do not confess, but instead cover up their sins, yes. We see this example in Scripture. In Galatians 2:11-13, Paul is confronting Peter. “Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.”
At the same time, we should also keep tabs on our own potential for failure.
I Corinthians 10:13: “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”
How to Walk in Health, Integrity and Accountability
1.Make a personal commitment to God’s Word and His standards for personal boundaries. The Word of God, which spells out the boundaries God puts in place for a walk of purity, has been given for our protection.
Psalm 119:9 – “How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.”
Write down your personal ministry boundaries. For example, you might decide that you will not travel alone, not counsel the opposite sex alone, not be found behind closed doors with the opposite sex, or any other personal limitations.
2. Maintain your marriage vows and commitment.
What are your marriage boundaries? Write them down in agreement with your spouse.
Proverbs 5:18-19: “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”
Grass is greener when you water it and fertilize it. Water your marriage, grow it, and sow into it actively. Lust is not physical attraction – that is humanness. Lust is the desire to take what is not yours. Redirect your attraction to your life mate.
3. Be accountable and self-report. Everyone in authority is under authority. Every one of us needs accountability.
Everyone in the medical field is held accountable by self-reporting and constantly charting his or her activities on a computer. When a medical professional makes a medical mistake, that person is required to report it by placing it into the charting logs. If they fail to do this and their mistake is discovered, they will surely be fired from their job. However, if they are completely honest about their mistake and report it properly, they most likely will be given a warning but keep their job. This process takes a wrongdoing from secrecy and successfully, forthrightly, and honestly brings it into the light.
4. Monitor your thoughts
Beliefs –> Thoughts –> Feelings –> Actions –> Habits
“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death” (James 1:14-15).
As we monitor our thoughts and then backtrack to our beliefs, we will discover either misbeliefs or God’s beliefs at the root. It is the ongoing process of Romans 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
David said in Psalm 101:3, “I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.”
5. Keep watch and magnify the consequences. Know what tempts you.
Ask yourself: Is it worth it? What do I stand to lose? What is the possible collateral damage?
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23)
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12).
Temptation to sin is always shortsighted and not thoroughly considered. Unfaithfulness to the Lord, to one’s marriage and family, involves making multiple wrong decisions to pursue something wrong or sinful. Yes, multiple decisions. We each have ample opportunity to stop and listen to that still small voice, repent, cut off our thoughts, and cut off our actions so that we can return to God’s truth and the freedom His truth provides.
Leaders who remain accountable and who self-report are leaders who will stand the test of time. Paul wrote to the church of the Thessalonians, “For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit” (I Thessalonians 4:7-8).
The Holy Spirit resides within you to make you a leader who walks in integrity and wholeness.
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