A significant way for victory today as well as tomorrow is through forgiveness
by Steve Prokopchak
I grew up three miles outside of our small town. I loved that setting. I could ride my bike for miles along country roads with little to no traffic. I could stay at “the creek” for hours on end fishing, camping, constructing rafts, or ice skating in the winter months. The acres of woods behind our home gave me repeated and endless opportunity to explore, hike, and camp. In fact, for several years, I had a permanent tent set up so that I could spend weekends in the woods rather than in my home. All these pleasing places were escapes from the yelling, swearing, and violence of our house.
How does a young child adapt to such a family life? I ran. I ran away on my bike, to the creek, or into the woods. I ran to a neighboring farm where I could help to bale hay, feed the animals, or do any chore they would allow me to participate in. But the weeknights or weekends I was unable to escape were especially frightening. Laying in my bed awake for hours on end with the covers drawn up tightly around my neck, even in the heat of summer, was the only protection I knew from what was going on outside my bedroom.
Growing up in a home of domestic violence disrupts and unsettles so many aspects of childhood. These homes are chaotic and unpredictable. They lack security and rob children of the ability to build healthy identity. They become homes in which people are just trying to survive.
Revisiting Forgiveness with Another Look at Freedom
One of the most significant ways to be a victor today and in the future is through forgiveness. To forget your past is not humanly possible, and the more traumatic the events were, the less chance of forgetting. But forgiving is a choice you can make that releases you and the one who hurt you so that you can live victoriously today and in the future. Isaiah reminds us to forget the past and not dwell on the former things so we can see what God is up to today and tomorrow (Isaiah 43:18–19). It is not possible to clearly see tomorrow when our lens of the past is clouded over.
Forgiveness spans our past, present, and future life. Let’s examine the following verses in relation to how what goes before affects the present and what is to come.
“But one thing I do (present): Forgetting what is behind (past) and straining toward what is ahead (future), I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (present/future) (Philippians 3:13–14).
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you (past/present), your heavenly Father will also forgive you (present/future). But if you do not forgive men their sins (past/present), your Father will not forgive your sins” (present/future) (Matthew 6:14–15).
We cannot just forget the past or pretend that it did not happen. Yet we dare not walk in bitterness and unforgiveness in the present.
Forgiveness has medicinal benefits; it is a prescription directly from heaven for our release. But lest we get it wrong, forgiveness is not totally based on our decision; it is based on what Christ has accomplished. He bore our sins as we crucified Him. Forgiveness is what He did for us: past, present and future. Two thousand years ago, He forgave us!
God finds us. We have been forgiven even though we deserved to die for our sin. Not one of us would escape judgment if we were to be punished for our wrongdoing. We have transgressed enough to spend eternity without Him. Forgiveness literally reflects who God is. As Jesus hung on the cross, He became God’s example-in-the-flesh of forgiveness.
When we withhold forgiveness for another, we actually withhold forgiveness from ourselves. Not forgiving causes stress, sleeplessness, worry, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, digestive issues, irregular heartbeat, and more. Many trips to the doctor today are a result of emotional breakdown. When left uncared for, this eventually can lead to physical breakdown. The physical body is attempting to absorb the negative emotions generated by unforgiveness. Past hurts will eventually affect one’s present mind, will, and emotions, leaving us with thoughts of an unsure future.
True Forgiveness Brings Freedom
True forgiveness allows us to live in freedom today because we no longer hold onto things from our past. Forgiveness is not a natural act; it is a supernatural act of God in our lives. It is letting go of revenge or the thought of getting even. Forgiveness is both immediate and long-term. Jesus forgave us, and we can forgive others. But release from the feelings of pain, loss, anger, or retribution can take some time.
Henri Nouwen said, “[Forgiveness] demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive.”
Forgiveness is presently acting upon a price that was paid in the past, so that we can experience freedom today and in our future.
Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.
True forgiveness is letting the offender go free by placing Jesus there. We release that person to Jesus and what He did on the cross for you and me. Jesus prays,
“Our Father in heaven…forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:10, 12). He speaks again about forgiveness by saying, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14–15).
From the cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34). Colossians 3:13 states, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” When we say we cannot forgive and we walk in unforgiveness, we are saying the price that Jesus paid was not enough, it does not reach to this situation, or I was hurt too deeply to forgive. We may become a prisoner to our own hurt and bitterness. Author Louis Smedes is quoted as saying, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
We Must Forgive Ourselves
Maybe you have forgiven others but find it difficult to forgive yourself. A religious spirit will keep you striving for forgiveness and tell you that you do not deserve it. If you have struggled with this, you need to repent and ask God to forgive you for withholding freedom from yourself. A religious mindset says that you need to do more, but God says that His Son did it all. If Jesus can forgive you and does, who are you to withhold forgiveness from yourself?
Has God spoken to you or placed His finger on an area in your life through this article? Do you need to forgive another’s wrong against you? Mark 11:25 says, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against another, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven forgives you your sins.” Do you need to receive the Lord’s forgiveness for yourself? Do you need to let go of something you did in the past in order to forgive yourself?
God is not looking to stone you—that is an Old Testament retribution concept. Jesus said to the one caught in the act of adultery, “I do not condemn you; go and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). The Pharisees were waiting on Jesus to condemn this woman to death by stoning and even readied themselves by selecting the perfect stones to throw—but instead, Jesus forgave her.
From the cross Jesus not only forgives and gives you the ability to forgive, He also removes the shame of sin. From Genesis chapter three, sin has been shaming mankind. From the cross, through the second Adam, sin and shame have been lifted. (See 1 Corinthians 15:45–48.)
Not only is your sin forgiven, but according to Hebrews 8:12 it is remembered no more. 1 John 1:8–10 reveals we are not without sin, but with confession He is faithful and just to forgive and purify us. If we claim not to sin, we make Him a liar.
“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” (Louis B. Smedes)
Seven Steps to Forgiveness from God’s Word
You can find and give forgiveness through these seven steps outlined in Scripture:
1. Choose to forgive
Forgiveness begins with a simple decision that, in Jesus’ name, we will obey God and forgive those who have hurt us.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Jesus made it clear in Matthew 18:35 that this decision to forgive is to come from the heart. We are to forgive wholeheartedly, not holding back or keeping any resentment.
But what about feelings?
- Forgiveness does not start with feelings, but with a decision. You don’t need to wait for the right feeling before deciding to forgive. You can choose to forgive from your heart, and God will recognize that. Verbalize this decision. By faith confess aloud, “In Jesus’ name I forgive _____.”
- Be alert! Satan may try to bring feelings of resentment back into your life. (See 1 Peter 5:8–10.) You do not need to feel guilty about being tempted, but you do need to deal with those feelings. Since you have already made your choice, you need to stand firm on having already forgiven in Jesus’ name.
2. Confess your sin to God
Unforgiveness is sin against God. It is disobedience to His command to forgive others even as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). Even more, God desires for all people to know forgiveness; He sent His Son, Jesus, to die to make that possible. Unforgiveness can stop people from experiencing God’s forgiveness.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NKJV). This confessing implies naming our sins one by one.
“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy” (Proverbs 28:13 NKJV).
How can we be sure we are forgiven? It is by God’s Word! He very clearly says; “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14 NKJV).
Yet sometimes you still doubt that you are really forgiven. Receive God’s forgiveness, accepting it just as you would accept a gift someone gave to you. How is this possible? Listen to what the apostle Paul said:
“Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Corinthians 5:20–21 NKJV).
3. Ask forgiveness from those you wronged
We are responsible to restore relationship with anyone who has anything against us. (See Matthew 5:23–24.) Accept responsibility for the wrong you have done and ask for the person’s forgiveness. If you do not know what you did wrong, ask God to show you.
Simply ask for forgiveness. Do not go into details that would do more harm than good. If you do not have genuine sorrow or repentance in going to that person, stop first and prayerfully ask God to show you how you hurt that person and how they may have felt. Allow God to give you a new understanding and sensitivity toward that person.
It is good to look right at the person when you tell him what you did wrong and ask, “Will you forgive me?” Wait for an answer. If they say, “Yes, I will forgive,” this will bring a release to them also. (Regardless of their answer, by confessing your sin and asking forgiveness, you have been obedient. You can now leave the situation in God’s hands.)
4. Ask God to bless the person who hurt you.
“Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you” (Luke 6:28 NKJV).
As you do this, follow the example of Jesus in asking God to bless him by forgiving him.
5. Do something nice for the person who hurt you. Bless them.
“Do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27 NKJV).
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21 NKJV).
6. Accept the person the way he or she is, even if wrong.
Do not defend what they do, but defend them. Treat that person with dignity, respect, love, and kindness regardless.
“Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God” (Romans 15:7 NKJV).
7. Look at the person through the eyes of faith.
Do not concentrate on areas of weakness, sin, or irritation. Rather, concentrate on seeing that person as God wants him or her to be. Believe that God will answer your prayers for that person (see 1 John 5:14–15). Follow Abraham’s example, and by faith see things that are not what they look like (see Romans 4:16–21). Begin to think and speak positively about that person (see 1 Corinthians 13:7). Love “believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Remember, forgiveness does not come naturally. We must swallow our pride, realize that we also need forgiveness, then release the person who we feel has wronged us. Regardless of what was done, realize that your faith-filled step of forgiving will at the same time release you from the hurt, the potential bitterness and the emotional, spiritual, and physical damage that unforgiveness can bring.
You will find your healing as you forgive.
Thank God for the love and forgiveness of His Son, Jesus Christ, the lover of our souls. He first forgave us so that we can forgive others.
Learn more about walking in healing in another article, also by Steve.
More about true freedom
Surrendering who you think you should be to discover who you are. Authenticity is a word we hear a lot today. We want to be true to ourselves. We want to define ourselves and count for something significant, being someone unique. But what happens when we’re unsure of who we really are? Are we good enough? Do we measure up to others? Do we even like ourselves? More from Steve Prokopchak in book, eBook and audiobook
