A biblical solution for dealing with pornography and achieving sexual wholeness

By Steve Prokopchak

This is the second of two articles on the topic of sexual wholeness. The first article looked at the stunning statistics of pornography use and its devastating effects on individuals, families, and society as a whole. This second article presents a biblical solution to deal with pornography and achieving sexual wholeness.

One thing we know from God, the Creator of sexuality, is that His love is completely satisfying. One thing we know from the evil one is that lust is insatiable and can never be satisfied. Pornography and lust are a drive to serve oneself rather than one’s life mate or others.

Viewing pornography may start through curiosity, attempts to fill a void, the need to heal or cover up a deep wound, or just a desire to escape. But escapes have a way of becoming addictions. These could include food, alcohol, TV, novels, caffeine, or many other categories of addictive behavior. Addictions have a way of pulling us away from God, the One who provides a true way of escape. 2 Timothy 2:26 says, “And that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

The New Testament Writers Acknowledge Our Struggle

Our human struggle with sexual intimacy and sin is acknowledged in Scripture. I love these verses that Paul writes under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: “But since there is so much immortality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each another except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:2–5).

Viewing porn as a “pastime” is extremely harmful and creates a way for the sexual exploitation of innocent victims. We all need to educate and raise awareness of these dangers in our families, communities, schools, and congregations.

Let’s be clear about what the Bible says.

Licentiousness1 (“debauchery” in the NIV) – This means “excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures, lacking virtue.” Sexual acts on display in pornographic material are acts of fornication because they involve sexual contact outside of marriage. To take part is to condone these acts and involve ourselves in the sin of licentiousness. (See 2 Corinthians 12:21.)

Lust2 – Pornographic materials are meant to generate sexual arousal in our flesh through lust. Lust, according to the Scripture, is sin. It is corruption of our spirits, our minds, and our flesh. (See Matthew 5:28 and James 1:14, 15.)

Sensuality3 – According to Scripture, observing nakedness is a sinful behavior. For example, in Genesis 9:21–22, Noah’s youngest son, Canaan, was cursed because he observed his father’s nakedness, but his brothers Shem and Japheth covered their father with their faces turned the other way. The Bible portrays Canaan’s act as shameful and dishonoring with Noah saying, “Cursed be Canaan!” while he blessed his other sons.

Genesis 1:27 – We are primarily spiritual beings created in the likeness and image of God with the capacity to be sexual.

Romans 1:24–25 – Due to sin in the world, sex is misused and made to be impure by worshipping the created rather than the Creator.

1 Corinthians 6:12–18 – The body is not for sexual immorality; we are told to flee from sexual immorality.

Proverbs 6:25–26 – Lust and fornication turns us into a “loaf of bread.”

Romans 6:11–14 – We are called to be dead to sin. Do not offer parts of your body to evil desires. Do not let sin be your master.

Galatians 5:19 – The deeds of the flesh are immorality, impurity, and sensuality.

Psalm 101:2–3, 6–7 – The psalmist vows that he will set before his eyes no vile thing.

Matthew 5:27–28 – Looking at a woman lustfully is considered a sin.

The Path to Freedom

Too often, as the church today, we tell men and women caught up in pornography that it is solely a moral issue. However, as we noticed in the first article on this topic, studies are showing that it is also a brain issue. Telling men to study more, pray more, and simply to think pure thoughts is like telling a heroin addict to just stop thinking about and pursuing his or her drug. It will not be effective, because the brain could already be conditioned.

Despite this challenge, certain foundational principles and action steps can lead you to the way of escape that God provides.

  1. God is love (1 John 4:8). If you know nothing else, know God’s love for you. It is inescapable, incomprehensible, determined, and relentless. He loves you and Jesus died for this sin on the cross.
  2. We all struggle to maintain a clean heart. Many really good people also struggle with sin, even the sin of pornography. You are not alone, so do not let the evil one tell you that you are. Whatever the effects of sin may be, grace is available in abundance to bring healing and freedom.
  3. Recognize that pornography affects the whole individual. Healing is needed through and through. God desires to cleanse and heal not only your mind, but longs to set you free from lust, fear, anxiety, wounds, frustration, emptiness, and shame. He died, naked and exposed, for sexual shame on the cross and says to us, “Shame off of you through my sacrifice.”
  4. Disclose and confess your sin to God, yourself, and others. Start being truthful about yourself and your sin. Acknowledge that you have been walking in denial. Uncover the lies. Take full responsibility and recognize the gravity of your situation. Make the decision to be ruthlessly truthful with yourself, your spouse, and your counselor. Receive God’s forgiveness, because He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin (1 John 1:9).
  5. Embrace conviction of heart coming from the Holy Spirit. Allow God to bring you to a place of true repentance. Ask yourself, “Who is this hurting?” “What is this costing me in finance, time, self-deprivation, and life goals?” Do a personal damage assessment.
  6. Be aware of the neurological aspect of this addiction and the brain chemicals involved. Pornography addiction is not just a moral problem. You have created paths for your brain to need and desire the chemical charge provided in porn. These paths that have been flooded with imagery of what is false will need to be starved to death. This is not about reading your Bible more or praying more; a transformation is needed. It starts when you identify what triggers you to use porn. As you identify these triggers, you can ask God why they are triggers, what healing is needed, and how to locate that healing. This requires intense self-examination as you scrutinize how your thoughts and feelings have shaped your beliefs. God can reveal whether or not those beliefs are true or are based on lies. Ask your heavenly Father for truth to replace the lies (Romans 8:5-9; 12:1-2).
  7. Locate any deep wounds from your past to discover how those wounds have affected you. If you are unable to deal with your past, you will just be treating symptoms over and over. For example, you could ask: “Is there a shame-filled sexual wound? Did I experience abuse of some kind, then retreat and find comfort in pornography or masturbation?” In seeking these answers, invite and expect Holy Spirit to be your companion and guide.
  8. Discover relational healing by purposefully mending broken relationships. Find new relationships that will help you heal. These could be support groups, a personal counselor, or close accountability with a trusted friend. Monitoring software can be useful, but will not replace real-time accountability to those who love you and care for you.
  9. Utilize appropriate resources. Find what fits you in terms of books, videos, or other resources. A video series like the Conquer Series, groups like Pure Desire and websites like Faithfulandtrue.com or Be Broken Ministries can be extremely helpful. Fortunately, today there are quite a number of resources and websites available to help those who desire to overcome the power of pornography in their lives. Search on the internet for Christ-centered materials and computer prevention programs like Covenant Eyes and X3Watch to place on your devices.
  10. Go through deliverance ministry. This can be helpful to cleanse out the demonically oriented material that has entered your soul and spirit. Openness to evil creates a pathway for more evil. Total freedom can be found in deliverance.

What to Do if You Fall

Each of us are growing and being restored by the transforming power of God. Transformation is a lifelong process. Parents never give up on their child walking; don’t give up on your healing. Here are some helpful steps you can take when you stumble and fall. The same should be true for you. Remember that sometimes failure is a part of the process. In case you fall, get back up, move on, and keep seeking first God’s healing and His Kingdom (Matthew 6:33).

  1. Don’t hate yourself. Do not descend into self-deprecation—it will only reinforce your need for more pain relief. It is appropriate to be grieved in your conscience, but do not allow yourself to wallow in self-hate and self-criticism. God is not out to destroy you. He is out to redeem you. Be like David who said in Psalm 51, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love…blot out my transgressions…wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin…cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow…create in me a pure heart…do not cast me from your presence…restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit…”
  2. Do not back away from God and your earthly relationships. You need them now more than ever. The enemy wants you to give in and give up. He wants you to isolate yourself and hide in shame. Keep your fall in the light and do not give the enemy an opportunity to hide it in darkness. Confess and be real with God, yourself, and others.
  3.  Pray. Fight the silence by opening up to God. Renew your mind with God’s truth by remembering where the true struggle is: “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want” (Galatians 5:17).
  4.  Get back up! Proverbs 24:16 reminds us that even though the righteous fall seven times, they get back up again.
  5. Look back and evaluate. What were you thinking when you fell back? What was occurring at the time? What was happening in your life? What pressure were you feeling? What triggers can you recognize?

To the Young People

If you start viewing pornography, or when you view it, keep in mind that through mental stamping of the brain, you will have the opportunity to carry most of those images for the rest of your life. The chemical process that takes place in the brain was explained in the first article in this series. You will take these images into your relationships and into your marriage. While that may seem like a long time away, I can still remember from my teen years some of the images I saw in magazines that I found along country roads while riding my bike. The more we mentally call up those images for sexual gratification, the more they are imprinted into our brains. Your appetite for sexual stimulation will increase and you can become addicted. Once addicted, you will begin to suffer loss. These losses could include the following.

  • The loss of God’s view of sex.
  • The loss of discovering, knowing, and feeling real love in a relationship.
  • The loss of your identity as being centered in Christ.
  • The loss of truthfulness, as you will need to lie to cover up or hide what is happening.
  • The loss of sexual control.
  • The loss of purity and righteousness.
  • The loss of intimacy. The more “intimate” you become with pornography, the less intimate you become with God and others.

Important Ideas to Share with Your Children

Children are being exposed to pornography at earlier ages all the time through prime-time TV shows and all-invasive commercials. But the greatest offender today is online access through their cell phones. If your children have a phone, they should not have data access on their phone plan. Cell phones are mini computers and will give your children access to material you do not desire them to be exposed to. We as parents and grandparents must be hyper vigilant today in this area.

Parents, please do not take a casual approach when you learn that a child is involved in pornography. I encourage you to start sharing some of what you have learned in this article with them, as appropriate. If your children desire to have a healthy sex life one day with the man or woman that God so generously gives them, teach them to stay away from pornography today. Educate them and provide them with helpful tools. Protect your computers from pornography access and check the history regularly.

The following are some important things you can share with your children.

  1. Define pornography. Help them understand what it is.
  2. Tell them God says “yes” to sex, rather than simply telling your children “no” to pornography. Obviously, we need to place that “yes” within God’s holy perspective and context of sex. While porn is bad, God’s idea of sex is good. Share the Genesis chapter one scriptures along with Psalm 139:13–15. God is not a prude when it comes to sex; He is the creator of this gift.
  3. God desires that we bond in relationship with Him, not with pornography. Let your son or daughter know that through our spirit we can bond with evil or with good. As parents and children are bonded in love, so our heavenly Father wants us to be bonded with Him. He desires this bonding because we are created in His image—we are image-bearers of God. Anything the evil one hands us has to do with bondage, which leads to hurt and harm.
  4. Pornography invites and arouses one toward self-gratification and self-sex or masturbation. While sex is good and arousal within God’s boundaries is right, self-gratification is not God’s intent.
  5. Sex is about giving and loving while pornography is about lust and taking. Pornography use is self-centered and based on false imaginations. It is fake and habit-forming.
  6. Watching pornography is dishonoring to God and hurts those involved in the making of pornography. This includes the human trafficking of men, women, boys, and girls.
  7. God loves us and has an amazing, wholesome plan for His children. His plan does not involve pornography or sexual immorality. God desires that we live purely for Him and take that purity into marriage one day.

Tying It All Together with the Story of Joseph

The psalmist David was on his roof one day and noticed a woman bathing. That look, apparently a lustful look, was the beginning of adultery, murder, depression, death, and untold pain for God’s chosen king. Conversely, there is a wonderful story in the Bible of holy resistance followed by incarceration, but then redemption and hope for a family and a nation. That story is the story of Joseph.

In Genesis Chapter 39, we read the account of Joseph, who was serving in Potiphar’s house. The Bible says God blessed him and he prospered in his Egyptian master’s home. God gave him success in everything he did. In time, the blessing that followed Joseph also affected Potiphar’s household, and Joseph was placed in charge of everything Potiphar owned.

Joseph was described as “well-built and handsome,” and he made a noticeable impression on Potiphar’s wife. She repeatedly attempted to allure Joseph by saying, “Come to bed with me!” Joseph stood firm and refused. Joseph’s words were, “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?”

Joseph’s response cost him his job and his freedom because Potiphar’s wife lied about Joseph attempting to “make sport of me,” or, as we might say, “rape me.” Even so, Joseph refused to compromise his integrity.

Joseph did not fail his test. Had he given in to temptation, it could have caused the death of millions by famine. He would have never been reunited with his family and he would not have had the opportunity to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. The favor of God rested on Joseph because he stood firm. Otherwise, he would have been just one more leadership casualty.

The point is clear. You and I have a destiny given to us by God. Your freedom from the sin of pornography is not just about you, but the hundreds that you touch. Your life-long call is tied into others with the life call of Jesus. When many of those around grow sick of their life of sin, you will have the answer for them as well as a life that exemplifies that answer. Be a hero like Joseph and confess his words with me: “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against my God?”

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all” (Psalm 34:17–19).

God is our deliverer. He delivered Joseph, and He can deliver you today.

Learn more in the book Identity: The Distinctiveness of You by Steve Prokopchak.

Endnotes

  1.  https://www.versebyverse.com/
  2. Ibid.
  3. Ibid.

Bibliography

https://www.versebyverse.com/