Should Christians accept feelings of shame?
by Steve Prokopchak
Many, if not all of us, are acquainted with the emotional upheaval of shame. Since almost the beginning of our existence on earth, shame has been present.
Does shame serve a purpose? Is there a biblical or spiritual reason for shame? Is shame always negative? Can shame motivate us? Should Christians accept feelings of shame?
Where It All Began
God created a perfect world and placed mankind into a perfect garden—His garden. With the fall of man came what is known today as the emotion of shame. The Lord God called to Adam and asked him where he was. Was this because God couldn’t find him? Certainly not. But the Adam who previously faced God without shame or fear was no longer there. That was the Adam that God could not find.
“He [Adam] answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’ And he [God] said, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?’” (Genesis 3:10-11)
Fear and the shame of nakedness filled Adam’s heart, and the separation from his Maker began. What does God do for Adam and Eve in response to this shame? By verse 21 of Genesis chapter 3, God was handcrafting garments for Adam and Eve. Why? To cover their nakedness and to remove shame.
Just What Is Shame?
We as human beings are full of pride. When we sin, our pride creates a desire to hide—just as Adam hid. When we fail, we don’t know how to deal with the feelings that overwhelm us. As God’s creations who desire to be like God, we fail to live up to our own expectations, the expectations of others, and what we feel God expects. That is enough to bring about feelings of shame and disappointment.
Shame creates false thinking. One might think, “I am a bad person because of my failure. I will never be good enough. I deserve to feel bad because I constantly come up short. I am worthless. I have been such a fool.” When we have thoughts like these, we place shame on ourselves.
I Dealt with Shame
Parents of the 1950s and 1960s often used shame as a means of attempting to correct wrong behavior. At least that is my experience. They thought they could shame us into better or more appropriate responses. They did this by using words like, “You should be ashamed of yourself, acting like that.” Or we often heard this one: “What are you? Stupid?” And then there was the line, “How could you be so dumb?”
Shame-filled words do not administer correction. Instead, they create a defeated concept of oneself that can eventually lead to very low self-esteem or even self-punishment.
Our Lord does bring discipline and correction to us, but He does it in a life-giving, loving way. His goal is not to crush our spirits with the use of shame, but to correct in a spirit of hope and encouragement to change our beliefs, thoughts, and actions.
Why then Do Christians Struggle with Shame?
For many of us who have trusted in Jesus for our salvation, shame can still plague us. The enemy of our soul wants to remind us of our past deeds, sins, and mistakes, then bring back the familiar feelings of shame. Often there are voices and scenes stuck in our heads that carry messages of shame-filled words that people spoke over us. We often give in to those false messages and we allow these people and their voices to have power over us.
It’s interesting. We are told in the scriptures that our heavenly Father does not hold shame or sin over us. In fact, God’s Word says, “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours” (Isaiah 61:7). Instead of shame, everlasting joy.
Through divine inspiration, the prophet Isaiah wrote these power-filled words: “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of your widowhood” (Isaiah 54:4).
As Christians, we may still struggle with shame because we do not realize the price that our Savior paid for that shame. How can I be so confident that the price was paid? Listen to what Paul wrote to the Roman church: “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame” (Romans 10:11). The more we believe God’s Word—His promises and not the tapes in our head from our former misbeliefs—the more truth we store in our spirit, and the more faith and hope we have in the penalty Jesus paid. Consequently, the freer we become of shame.
Peter harmonizes with Paul and writes, “For in Scripture it says: ‘See I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame’” (1 Peter 2:6).
Stop Hiding
Adam and Eve hid, and we have been hiding from God ever since. There is only one place we are called to hide, only one place where we can rid ourselves of shame, and only one place where there is no longer any fear that leads to shame: “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).
Jesus was led like a sheep to the slaughter, arrested, mocked, spit on, beaten, insulted, and given a crown of thorns. This picture is full of shame and humiliation. Jesus, however, chose to obey His Father as He bore our shame and our guilt through a torturous and agonizing death.
There is no other place to go for freedom, for atonement, and for cleansing of our shame. Shame always says we are guilty, but from the cross Jesus said that guilt and shame were paid for. He died for shame-filled sexual sin, theft, out-of-control anger, abuse, and anything else you can name from your life. When we repent of our sin and receive Him as our Savior, He pronounces over us that the penalty for our sin, the guilt, the shame, the menacing weakness we feel, is covered by His blood and sacrifice on the cross. And from that cross He says, “Shame off of you!”
Jesus is the only one we can trust to deal with our shame. He helps us to flee from the sin-filled choices we once made and lifestyles we once lived. In desiring to please Him, we can turn over those old video files and request that they be erased—permanently. We no longer need to feel ashamed.
“In you, oh Lord, I put my trust; let me never be ashamed; deliver me in your righteousness” (Psalm 31:1).
“In you, Lord, I have refuge; let me never be put to shame” (Psalm 71:1).
“I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause” (Psalm 25:2, 3).
Choose a Life of Joy, Free of Condemnation
As you confess your sin, fear, and shame, believe God to release you of those burdens. Forgive the people who spoke words of shame over you. Often those people spoke out of their own shame-filled souls. Make use of the scriptures in this article to counteract the lies and the misbeliefs of your past. Remember that it is not what others think of you; it is what your heavenly Father thinks of you and what Christ has done for you on the cross.
Finally, live out the truth of this verse: “There is, therefore, now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1).
“Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces” (Psalm 34:5).
More about living an authentic life
Surrendering who you think you should be to discover who you are. Authenticity is a word we hear a lot today. We want to be true to ourselves. We want to define ourselves and count for something significant, being someone unique. But what happens when we’re unsure of who we really are? Are we good enough? Do we measure up to others? Do we even like ourselves? More from Steve Prokopchak in book, eBook and audiobook
