I was an angry wife, worship leader and homeschool mom. Every Sunday I would put on a smile, but I desperately needed something to change.
By Kim Zimmerman
It is said that we are the sum of all our parts. But for many of us, our parts are broken or wounded. Our hearts want to be free, but our flesh wants to hold onto the broken parts of us. We become so acquainted with the brokenness that at times we do not even know it is there.
This was me. I was a highly functioning, angry, bipolar and rejected woman, wife, mother, worship leader and homeschool mom. Every Sunday I would put on a smile, sit at the keyboard and worship with abandon. But I desperately needed something to change in my life.
I grew up in a family that was always angry. We grew up in hurt and rejection that was constantly spewed out; yet it was a Christian home. As an adult, I would try to homeschool my girls but would get so incredibly angry over silly things. In time, I began to see the same anger pattern in my girls and in how they treated each other. I knew something about spiritual warfare, inner healing and generational issues. As I was sitting and crying after I had just hit my daughter (simply because she did not know the answer to a question), I knew I couldn’t go on like this. It was ruining my girls and my relationship with them, my marriage, and me.
During a morning of personal prayer, I repented of anything from my past, from my father’s past, from anger that has been passed down through the generations—everything I could think of. I prayed to break it off my life, my daughters’ lives and my home. I prayed that I would be the generation to end this sin and bring God’s healing and peace into my family.
That night, I had a vivid dream. I was fighting a huge animal that resembled a man. He was throwing me against the bedroom wall. I saw my closet doors in my dream, so I knew it was taking place in my bedroom. I kept being picked up and thrown into the closet doors, floor and wall. All the while I kept saying, “I am breaking this generational curse. It will not be in my family.” I kept calling out the name of Jesus.
I woke the next morning and felt that something had changed. As I was getting out of bed, I felt really sore. I noticed that one side of my body was covered in bruises. It was as if I had been thrown against something. I just kept staring at the bruises on my physical body in the mirror. Just then, my phone rang. It was a very dear intercessor and mentor. “Kim, are you OK?” she asked. I said that I was fine. But when I asked why she was concerned, she said that she had seen me battling the night before, and God told her to tell me, “It is finished.” I then told her about my dream. She explained that the battle was indeed real, and it was a huge fight, but that the anger was now broken over my life.
And it was. The issues of anger and bipolar behavior were gone. I felt a huge peace over my home, my family and myself. In Galatians 3:13 we are told that Jesus is the curse breaker. Each one of us must be willing to go to battle for some of the things that keep us bound, even things we did not do ourselves or are not fully aware of. Maybe we just act a certain way and think it is excusable, when really there are curses in our lives. As for the rejection and hurt issues in my own life, I have never felt freer than I do right now. But I know there is more to come; God is still at work and my story is still in the making.
STEPS FOR HEALING
When Holy Spirit identifies an area He desires to change, use these action steps.
- CONFESS your sin to Jesus and repent. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).
- BE ACCOUNTABLE; confess your faults to one another. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16).
- CALL UPON JESUS, the curse breaker, to place this generational curse on the cross. Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us (Galatians 3:13).
- ASK HIM to separate you from this sin and the sin of your fathers. For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors (I Peter 1:18).
- PERSEVERE until breakthrough comes and the Holy Spirit gives you new beliefs that generate new thoughts and actions. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2).
- RECEIVE IT!
About Kim Zimmerman
Kim and her husband, Brian, had a calling to move outside the four walls of a church building and to take prayer, worship and serving to the street. They have served in the city of Lancaster for over 20 years in church leadership from worship director to elder. In 2007 they founded City Gate Lancaster, a center for prayer, training and serving. Brian and Kim both pastor Shift Church and are part of the apostolic oversight for House to House Micro Church Network work with DOVE USA. They have a heart for raising up leaders, and for seeing microchurches multiply.